… so what do I do with it?
Kidding. Once upon a time I kept my MySpace blog updated fairly regularly, but that kind of fell by the wayside a while back and until recently I didn’t really feel like starting another.
Now then, where to start? I think most, if not all of you reading this already know me, at least to an extent, so I’ll skip the whole “let me introduce myself” bit. And if you don’t know me, that’s what the “About Me” section is for. 😛
So let’s just get on with it, shall we?
For those of you who may not have been aware, I suffered from depression for the better part of a year, up until about 6 weeks ago. Thankfully it wasn’t severe, but it was enough to put a damper on life in general for a good while. I have a wonderful family and some great friends who helped me keep my head above water, but it was still really hard to get motivated to do much of anything or really get excited about stuff. Some days were OK; I’d spend some time in worship and actually feel pretty good, or I’d have a good ride at the barn (I swear that place is a God-send). Other days things got to be a little too much and I’d have a bit of a breakdown.
This went on until the weekend of February 19th. My sisters and I had (with some help) organized a youth conference at a retreat center about 45 minutes away from our house. We had invited a Welsh guy by the name of Justin Abraham to be the main speaker. He came, along with two members of his ministry team. The weekend was, in a word, crazy, but in a very, very good way. You see, French people (or French Christians, at least) tend to have a hard time loosening up and really letting go. We’re not very good at just turning our brains off and letting God take over. That weekend was very freeing for a lot of people, and I saw God do some incredible things in their lives. For me personally, I was sick as a dog for the vast majority of the weekend, so a lot of it was a bit hazy. I came away feeling like I’d had a good time and made some great new friends, but not feeling any major change. A day or two later, I was IM’ing a friend of mine back in the States about it and he asked me what God had done for me that weekend. I thought for a moment and it suddenly hit me: “Hey, I don’t feel depressed anymore! I actually feel… normal!”
That’s not to say that it’s been all sunshine and roses since. Some days I really have to fight not to let myself get dragged back down again, but for the most part the past 6 weeks have been a lot better. My riding has improved – horses are incredibly sensitive, and being happy and relaxed makes a huge difference in how they respond to you. My self-confidence is returning too, which makes a huge difference in, well, just about everything. I’m feeling much more self-assured when I help lead worship at church, and I’m finding it easier to get into worship in general (still mostly at home, but there are other factors at work there). I’m still not quite 100%, but I know God’s going to finish what He started. 🙂
All that to say, I think I know now how it feels to be broken and trust God to put all the pieces back together again. This was probably one of the biggest tests of faith I’ve experienced: there were days when, if I hadn’t been 100% certain that God wants me right here, I’d have packed up and gone back to the States (more specifically, the ranch). Trusting God was very difficult sometimes, but, as always, He came through.
So that’s the biggest thing that’s been going on with me recently.
As far as future posts are concerned, I haven’t decided yet if I’ll be posting super regularly or just when inspiration strikes. I’m leaning towards regularly, but we’ll see. Also, rest assured, not every post will be as serious as this one. I felt I needed to give you guys some context to start with, but I will most likely be back in my usual semi-goofy/sarcastic mode next time, especially if I have an interesting “adventure” to relate. Oh, and if you have any suggestions as far as topics, posting schedule or whatever, feel free to share in the comments.
Until next time, take care and God bless! 🙂